People try things because somewhere deep down inside they believe they can do it.
You have self-efficacy even if you don’t realize it.
In example, Skier Johnny does not ride the chairlift to hike the Highland Bowl if he doesn’t have some confidence that he will live to ski tomorrow.
Even if he’s nervous he will #sendit because he knows he has the skills to crush it.
And, as I always say to my bootcampers, the workout may seem super hard but “you wouldn’t have come if you didn’t have some sense of self-efficacy (the belief that you can).”
There are times in life when we go after things because we *think we can* however, the ability to succeed comes from the amount of trust we put in ourselves to actually get it done.
Here’s a metaphor for lack of self-trust:
Everytime I have a special event I hire someone to do my makeup.
Getting my makeup done is one of my favorite ways to treat myself. I feel pretty, relaxed and learn something new about how to do my own makeup everytime.
However, the biggest reason I almost always have someone else do it is simple: I don’t trust myself to do my own makeup.
When I have a party or some event to attend, it’s like all of the sudden I freak out!
Me: “I don’t know how to do this!!”
Me: “I do this every day.”
Me: “I should definitely try something totally new and different for this event.”
Me: “I don’t know how to do anything different.”
I will literally use ALL the makeup.
I will either mess it up, do it over a million times or convince myself that looking like a clown is okay.
That will never change.
However, in other realms of my life I have developed heaps of self-trust.
When it comes to nutrition and fitness, in the last year I learned that I do better when I take things into my own hands 100%.
After having several wonderful coaches (Mike and Ryan at Rebell Conditioning and Lauren and Jason at Achieve Fitness– to name a few), and learning several great training methodologies, I decided I wanted to be my own coach eight months ago
I wanted to be my own coach for several reasons.
First of all I wanted to start using my own coaching tactics on myself.
Even more, there were so many interesting things I wanted to try in my training over time and needed to begin ASAP.
How could I hire a coach and know that I would be satisfied with their programming?
What if something else would work better?
Last July I wrote my first program cycle as my own powerlifting coach and began an excel sheet for my bikini prep nutrition the same exact way I do for my clients.
Doing so taught me a lot about strength and conditioning and what works for me but even more I learned how to depend on myself.
Several people have asked me, “How do you coach yourself?”
It’s simple: I set a goal and then I do what it takes to accomplish it.
But it’s also not so simple– at least not when it’s your first time doing something, like a bikini contest.
But here’s how I see it:
You know when you get your hair done and the hairdresser dries it funny, and it’s a great cut but you hate the way they styled it?
Well, if someone else did my nutrition and/or powerlifting programming I would hate to want to blame someone else for the outcome.
At my bikini competition for instance, I cannot tell you how sorry I was for several women who wouldn’t stop talking about what their coaches put them through.
Half of me felt bad and angry about the nutrition tactics these girls went through but the other half of me started to think maybe these people wanted someone else to blame for their success or lack thereof…
When you are your own coach you have to take responsibility for everything.
And, when there’s no scapegoat you have to look internally (and unbiasedly) at yourself to take ownership of what is going wrong (or going really well!) and figure out how to change it.
You are entirely up to you.
Furthermore, going back to the hair metaphor, think about a time when someone did an incredible job on your hair— a great blow-out for instance— you know you will never, *ever* be able to re-create that.
You learned nothing except that you like the way your hair looks when it is styled that way.
And here’s the thing, some of you are such busy humans maybe you don’t want to learn that much about methodologies, you just want to have a scientific nutrition or strength program that will give you results— and that is epic! That is why I have a job!
But for those of you who may be attempting something you are nervous about, or curious about— (and maybe it’s completely unrelated to fitness), use this article as motivation.
Here are my three best tips for building self-trust:
1. Let go of expectations; then set your own.
Everything is different for everybody.
The biggest thing that helped me be my own coach was letting go of norms, finding my own rhthym and tailoring my lifestyle to me and not what I thought my life should be based on other coaches’ opinions, my friends’ programs or habits etc.
For example, a lot of people meal-prep on Sundays, right?
I always prepped my food on Sundays when I had an 8 to 5 job and for too long I tried to keep that habit the same because, everybody else is doing it right?
When you hold several conference calls for your business (which happens to have weekend hours), you teach spin classes and post a blog every Sunday, meal-prep doesn’t quite fit in as well, never mind making it to the grocery store.
I realized that the best time for me to shop was on Monday mornings.
I realized that write the best when I have had a mid-morning nap.
I learned that I can in fact lift weights after I teach a class and that I really like to do pump work on a day that I deadlift.
Design your lifestyle to fit the expectations *you* set for *you* and not what America sets or Boston sets, or your friends dictate.
Trust your own decisions; trust that your norms will work for you.
As soon as you are the creator of the expectations–authentic, self-made and attainable ones at that– you can strategically figure out how to knock them out of the park.
2. Be ready and willing to reroute.
When you take something into your own hands you pay more attention to details and you become more objective with yourself.
You treat the journey to the goal as a project, as an experiment and you follow your own calculated steps to success.
And sometimes, the steps are wrong; sometimes the you have to reroute and sometimes you may feel like you have to start over– but *you* learn why.
You understand how to do it better now.
There’s no time to wallow or to waste.
I mean, you have to keep pushing!
You can’t be mean to yourself and beat yourself up when you are your own coach because there is nobody else there to tell you it’s okay, to give you a pep-talk and reroute you.
You have to reroute you.
When you’re on your own you don’t have other eyes on the road.
You don’t have people looking out for you.
Or, telling you what may or may not happen.
You must be self-aware.
You must be very honest with yourself; and you have to be ready to restart something, to change directions, and you have to be willing to do it without feeling like it (the change of direction) means you failed.
Because it doesn’t.
But you cannot reroute yourself if you do not trust yourself enough to give it your most honest and best, genuine, whole-hearted attempt (at whatever it is).
For instance, let’s take the example of overtraining, missing lifts or not feeling strong in the gym.
When I used to work with coaches I was always very vocal, (or let’s just say I complained sometimes).
When the coach was there to tell me it’s okay or tell me why this is happening etc— and trust me, we all need this– I would listen and keep going or not listen and keep going.
I never once learned to trust myself and listen to my body; I would simply vent to the coach, make an excuse to them, then maybe blame my lack of progress on them and repeat the cycle.
When I started coaching myself I started taking better care of myself.
The times I walked into the gym feeling tired, I would turn around and go home or perhaps I would modify a lift so that it felt better, decrease the load so my body wasn’t under as much stress…
Felt a little too hungry during bikini prep? I ate.
When you truly decide to work on self-trust a switch is flipped and self-care is heightened.
You are entirely up to.
3. Be creative
While the advice of others is awesome, when you heed the testimonials of too many people it’s very common to overthink everything.
You have to do you.
Pick three things that you want to work on and be creative with those three things and “how-to” do them.
Don’t worry about what worked for someone else; don’t worry about what someone else says you should do; you do you.
Maybe you think handstand practice will give you the shoulder workout you want at the end of your training? Do it!
Maybe working out in the evening helps you eat less throughout the day and you are more consistent with nighttime exercise? Do it!
Be ready to color outside the lines to make your own picture.
The thing is, even if you have a coach or a program it takes *you* following it the best way *you* know how to, in order to get results.
Sometimes a little creativity can tailor the program or coaching cues even more precisely for your unique person.
Let go of the expectations of others and look at yourself– what do you expect of you?
Asking yourself that question will bode well for an honest look inside at what you believe about yourself.
Then, prepare to shift directions; try again; reroute and maybe even restart.
There is no single route to success for you or anyone for that matter.
Finally, start where you are with what you have an be creative; you know what you are working with better than anyone else!
Even if you have to improvise, sometimes the willingness to dare try something out of the box becomes your own best, secret-weapon for results.
Whether you are taking on the endeavor of parenting, of marathon training, of losing weight or moving cities you have to look at yourself and learn to be cool with you—- trust YOU, honor YOU and YOU will do great things.
Go get it!!